why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
