So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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