i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
