I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
