Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
