There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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