Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
