her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
