i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
ttyl tear gas
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
