we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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