My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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