You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize