Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I want her autograph on my taint
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
