For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
