im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
