I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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