I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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