GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
