the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
