not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
