As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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