Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
