Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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