There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
