We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
