I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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