Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
