you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
