I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize