There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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