if you like me you must not know who I am
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
