He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
be right there i have to get my cape
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
