Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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