if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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