i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
