if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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