ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
