That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
