Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
