You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
