Your face is a jimmy john
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
did i just pee glitter
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
