Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
