I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
His nipple licking is glorious
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