Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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