There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
