I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
