Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
