is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
