That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
