I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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