You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
