tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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