Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
as a side note pls kill me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
